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Tuesday, March 19, 2002
 
Having done two finals today, please excuse me if I don't feel like typing much. Maybe I'll write about the finals later. In lieu of this, I'm going to cut-and-paste something I wrote a while ago. The first part is about 5 years old, while the second is about 8 months old. Hope you like it. Oh yeah, some thanks to my brother, who helped me come up with some ideas for the first part.

Top Ten things to Do at Disneyland
(Preferably When No One’s Watching)

10.Look for Leonardo DiCaprio’s dead, frozen corpse among the bits of iceberg on the Submarine ride.
9.Get the Pirates of the Caribbean in a knockdown drag out, full contact, winner-take-all fist fight against Indiana Jones, Abraham Lincoln, and the entire cast of “It’s a Small World.”
8.Aim your spit towards convertibles while on the Monorail.
7.See if there really is a basketball court inside the Matterhorn, and use any means necessary to find out.
6.See if you can convert the Teacups into a little Autopia. Goodbye, china!
5.Much like the ghosts on the Haunted Mansion, follow Mickey home!
4.Take the rails off of Autopia; give those nurses in the first aid station something to do!
3.Have your 5 year old ask incessantly (and loudly) “Where’s Snoopy?” (or, alternatively, “Where’s Bugs?”) especially if there’s a character around.
2.Take some REAL dynamite to the mine ride and Tom Sawyer’s Island with you.
1.Come back when it’s dark, take the mine ride’s dino bones, and attempt to make a profit off of them.

The New and Improved Top Things to Do at Disneyland
(‘Cause I Could Think of More Than Ten!)

· Dress up like one of the workers. When tourists ask for directions, show them the way by pointing with only one finger.
· Bug the trash can band players, asking if after a while their instruments begin to smell.
· On “Star Tours,” casually discuss the weight to velocity dynamics of vehicles that only appeared in Star Wars books with the Japanese tourist sitting next to you. Make sure he doesn’t know English well.
· On the Indiana Jones ride, try to get the Jeep to go down the road Indy blocks at the beginning, “just for fun.”
· Take the head off one of the cartoon characters in front of children.
· Start a fight with Mickey Mouse. Sue him.
· Laugh at anybody who says they want to go to California Adventure.
· Pants Abraham Lincoln. Oh wait…nobody goes to that exhibit.
· Replace the music on “It’s a Small World” with “Inna Gotta Davita.”
· Make Disneyland more like Knott’s Berry Farm. Rob the train.
· Steal a car from the Autopia. Drive it through the park.
· Form your own parade and perform it on Main Street. Ignore security at all costs.
· Continually ask what the Little Mermaid’s clamshell size is. Even ask the actress playing her.
· Ask the street cleaner following the horse-drawn carriage how much his pay is.
· Pimp your hoes on Main Street.
· Dress as various Disney characters. When asked about it, give an indignant look, mumble something about “those damn tourists,” and walk away.
· Go swimming in the lake.
· Try to find the dungeon in Sleeping Beauty’s castle.
· Capture the Abominable Snowman alive. He can bring you millions!

Yeah, I've been to Disneyland way too many times.

posted by Phillip at 4:58 PM 0 comments
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